I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
we should paint friendship bongs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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