i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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