he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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