omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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