drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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