Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
