I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
