I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
