GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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