The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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