I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize