At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
