Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
