I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Houston, we have a blender
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
