Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
