my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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