I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I AM VODKA MAN
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
