If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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