i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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