I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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