I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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