turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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