one two three fourrrrnication!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
