Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
