In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
