I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
