I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need water and some morals
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
