Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
