it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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