so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
