It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
