We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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