He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
