I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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