Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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