she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
