So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
