Say something about gay babies.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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