I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
