Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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