if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
