Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
