Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
