oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
