Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
