I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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