How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
