The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
