God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
