Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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