She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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