Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
