so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
