Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
