everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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