You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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