i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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