you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
