too bad you live with your parents still
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
