I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize