i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
