Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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