oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
