I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
