oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
