It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
