can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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