I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
