you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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