This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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