I just threw up on my dentist
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
