The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
