I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had to coat check the pizza.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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