why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
