Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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