Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
