This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
