tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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