what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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