How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
