The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
