shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
