he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize