Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
