Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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