i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
